I was curious as to what 2 Broke Girls’ last episode before the holidays would be about, given that they already hit upon Christmas in the Thanksgiving episode. In fact, just like last week, it’s yet another “lift-out” episode that could exist anywhere in the 2BG timeline.

And no offense to Michelle Nader, the scribe of “And the Pop-Up Sale,” but would it be possible to break from the formula of opening the action at the diner? Every week they throw a couple cheap jokes at Earl, Han and Oleg, create what looks like a storyline opening for the episode, and then abandon it for whatever Mad Max and Sweet Caroline’s plot du jour will be. Why don’t they just open the episode in their apartment and then squeeze in a scene or two at the diner as the episode continues?

I say this because there was hardly any conflict in this episode. Mad Max needs a new oven, but, as we know, the two ladies cannot afford one. Still Mad Max has a dream oven. So Sweet Caroline reveals that she has a secret plan involving hidden TAT (Thomas Aristotle Thomas) rings that she can sell back and then claim the cash for.

Unfortunately, the woman at the cash-for-gold store (the great Dale Dickey from Winter’s Bone) will only pay $275 for a $2500 ring, foiling Sweet Caroline’s plan.  Sweet Caroline would like to return it to the department store from where it originated, but she doesn’t have a receipt. As a last resort, using her savvy, Sweet Caroline tells Mad Max about “pop-up sale,” in which people congregate under the radar to peddle their goods and go.

See what I mean? We’re now three-quarters into the episode and yet there’s been no real driving element to the action; it’s been, well, episodic. Then, finally, something out of the blue happens to test Mad Max’s and Sweet Caroline’s friendship: Sweet Caroline sees some old society friends and ditches, leaving Mad Max to sell the rings by her lonesome. Mad Max again becomes Sad Max, pouting that Sweet Caroline wasn’t in their friendship for the “long haul.” And between the writing and Denning’s sardonic delivery, I just don’t buy the softer side of Mad Max or that she’d really be putting this much stock in her friendship with Sweet Caroline.

And yet Sweet Caroline does prevail! It turns out that she went to every gold store in Brooklyn and was able to finagle enough dough to buy Mad Max her dream oven after all, turning her into Glad Max and assuring her that they are indeed, besties.

For a mid-season finale (the next new ep doesn’t air until January 9), this was a rather slight one. And the girls’ cupcake fund remains again, at $621.25. If the show is going to keep using this device, they should really start showing movement pretty soon. I’m holding out hope, though, that since the girls have reaffirmed their faith in each other, that things will be on the up and up for them in 2012.

Now here’s hoping that Han will have a plot of his own soon!

The Bushwick dwelling, horse-partment shared by Mad Max and Sweet Caroline is about to get a lot less horsey on 2BG following “And the Reality Check,” directed by Fred Savage (on holiday from Happy Endings, I guess?). Don’t expect a continuation of the stories involving Johnny and Cash or the girls’ start-up cupcake biz – this episode is more of a one-off.

For the first time, Sweet Caroline realizes that winter, with its harshly cold temperatures and punishing snowstorms, aren’t always fun and games for those with less money. Mad Max sees an opportunity knocking when the rich Manhattanite for whom she nannies, Peaches (how long has it been since we’ve seen her?!), tries out for the fictional Real Housewives of Tribeca (since I’ve never seen an episode of any of these, it might very well have been real).

Mad Max thinks that Chestnut, Sweet Caroline’s horse, would fare better under a rich family’s care, and the idea of having Sweet Caroline emerging from a scandal-ridden cocoon is music to Peaches’ insensitive social-climbing ears. So the two find an appropriate stable for Chestnut and show up at Peaches’ apartment with the cameras rolling and bid farewell to their equine roomie.

This episode is a perfect example of the contrast between the capabilities of its two leading ladies. Kat Dennings still has trouble landing a line without sounding like a desperate stand-up act, telegraphing punch lines from a mile away. And in the episode’s final scene, when she is supposed to emote as Mad Max says goodbye to Chestnut, her readings felt entirely phony. I’ve seen better fake crying in elementary school shows. It’s not until Sweet Caroline comes back and comforts Mad Max that the scene feels  anything more than hollow.

And this frustrates me because Beth Behrs consistently exhibits terrific, professional work on a weekly basis here, avoiding traps that would make Sweet Caroline seem overly naïve or dippy or spoiled. Watching her snap in and out of her rich girl persona upon meeting with Peaches was instructional; it demonstrated how different Sweet Caroline’s world is now from the one she used to know, and how she has been changed by it. Behrs proves that comedy – even a CBS one – doesn’t mean a performance still can’t be smart and subtle.

(One other thing: can we please integrate Garrett Morris into the plot a bit more? The actor is a television comedy icon. He deserves at least one episode in which his character does more than toss off a forgettable bon mot.)

We leave the girls idling $621.25, but I have a feeling things are about to change soon. Will there be more Johnny? A man for Sweet Caroline? Maybe even a triangle with the two girls and Johnny? Not sure. We’ll just have to wait and see what next week’s ep – the last of 2011 – will bring.

Is it possible that the writers of 2 Broke Girls also write for South Park? Few shows other than the latter are able to squeeze in so many of-the-moment pop culture references into a 28-minute slot, but with shout-outs to Kim Kardashian’s aborted wedding and the unseasonably warmNew York November, you’d practically think that this episode was filmed live. It’s possible that this episode was written more recently, as it is oddly out of synch with the ongoing ballad of Johnny Cash that’s been providing the series’ A-plot for the last several weeks.

I got what I wanted though: a Sweet Caroline-centric episode. Caroline attempts to learn how to bake under Mad Max’s tutelage, but when she forgets to cover the mixing bowl, she ends up destroying the whole mixer in a frenzy to shut it off. Covered in batter, Mad Max quips “Christmas comes but once a year… and it just did.” (I sense a double entendre.) This is a) gross, and b) cribs directly off of the most infamous line from the 1999 James Bond flick The World is Not Enough.

Now in need of extra dough, the roomies decide to be department store elves on Black Friday. Sweet Caroline is heartbroken to learn that her father won’t let her visit him in jail for the first time due to embarrassment. Sweet Caroline outwardly keeps her spirits up, and to stay awake following a free Thanksgiving dinner at the diner, she chugs an energy drink instead of sipping it like Mad Max does (really, Mad Max couldn’t have warned her beforehand?)

And for the rest of the episode Beth Behrs gets to play new notes as Sweet Caroline; she’s antsy and impatient and brutally honest. It’s easily the best sitcom use of speed since Alex P. Keaton studied in a swivel chair. It’s a marked contrast to how Dennings plays Mad Max, who is either so snarky that her line readings hit you over the head with a sledgehammer, landing like Kerri Strug did after the vault in the 1996 Olympics, or so uncharacteristically sympathetic that her rare moments being nice read false. Behrs’ work is far more fluid and convincing, with timing more suited to a modern sitcom’s pacing.

At any rate, the episode’s last act finds Mad Max stepping in to play Mrs. Claus and getting into a fight with an amped-up Sweet Caroline. The two quickly make up, and there’s nary a sign of Johnny or Cash, and while the men of the diner get about five lines instead of their ordinary three, it’s still short shrift. At the end of the episode, the girls are down to $621.25. But I’ve got a reason to keep watching 2BG: the multi-talented secret weapon that is Beth Behrs.

Some rides lurch to a halt, and others decelerate in advance for a smooth landing. “Afterbirth,” the finale for American Horror Story’s surprisingly successful first season, was more of the latter. Penned by Jessica Sharzer and directed by Bradley Buecker (whose “Murder House” episode was an early high point in the season), “Afterlife” was an epilogue to a crazily convoluted season that created its own sense of logic but ultimately left me feeling indifferent.

First of all, (and yes – SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!), once both Violet and Vivien died, it seemed likely that Ben, too, was not long for this world. We didn’t even have to wait for the entirety of the 70-minute finale to find out what happened to Ben. First Sharzer teased us with the idea that a despondent Ben would kill himself (by the way, it seems in Murder House that whether your die by your own hands or someone else’s, you end up in the same place regardless – that’s an interesting, unexplored thought). Instead, having decided to leave with his new surviving son, Ben is hanged by Hayden and two other Murder House tenants (two of the Franklin murder re-enactors, I believe). Ding dong, the dad is dead.

Now the whole Harmon family can again co-exist (save the newborn) as one in the afterlife. As the season unfolded, it became clearer and clearer that Dylan McDermott, Connie Britton, and Taissa Farmiga weren’t the central cast but more like guest stars; a conduit to take us into Murder House the way Jack and Rose essentially gave audiences a tour of the Titanic. The main characters were Constance (Jessica Lange sank her teeth into every morsel of her meaty character, turning a role that could have been an insult to an actress “of a certain age” into another third-act career triumph) and the dead folk haunting Murder House.

Do I think the newly dead Harmons will stick around for further seasons? Hard to say. I’m still not sure what to make of Dead Ben and Dead Vivien mock-killing each other in order to frighten new tenants, the Ramoses out of the house. Was it cathartic or confusing to audiences? I will say that, for once, it was nice to see Britton exercise her sense of humor. But I’m still not sure that these guys (for the actors’ sake) should stick around for future chapters of what FX must hope will be an ongoing anthology. Similarly, I’m also unclear as to whether Travis really offed Hayden for good.

What did work for me this season? Stylistically, AHS was hypnotic in the same gross-gorgeous way thatSe7en and Mark Romanek’s Nine Inch Nails videos were. The visuals had a nausea-inducing beauty. And while I have paid tribute to many of the leads on this show, other performers, including Frances Conroy as Moira (I loved the tentative bond she forged with Vivien in death) and Lily Rabe as the crazily mourning Nora (Moura, perhaps?). I’m still mixed on Evan Peters, who emerged as the fulcrum on which all of AHSpivots. I don’t envy the challenge Peters faced; it’s hard to pity a depressive rapist-mass-murderer, let alone make him a protagonist, and I’m not sure AHS’s turns did him many favors, but the actor acquitted himself admirably. His final scene with McDermott didn’t totally work, but it wasn’t the fault of the actors. And speaking of, why was Eric Close given such short shrift? Maybe there’s more in store for him come 2012.

And when we do come back, will Constance and Murderous Michael still be around? Can Brad Falchuk and Ryan Murphy possibly out-do what they’ve done in this dirty dozen of episodes in AHS’ debut season? I’ve no doubt plenty will tune in to find out. As will I – at the very least, this show makes for a great cautionary tale about the real estate market.

What are your thoughts of “Afterlife” – and of Season 1?

I’m not just recapping any old show as I discuss “Birth,” the penultimate episode of AHS’ debut season. I am now writing about a double Golden Globe-nominated show, as of this morning! (But more about that tomorrow).  Tim Minear’s episode gave us what we have expected all season long: one big bloody mess. And also a few unexpected callbacks to several lesser films in the Meryl Streep oeuvre.

The earlier part of the episode put a fair amount of fun on display. Basically, all the dead people have congregated throughout Murder House staking various claims on Viv’s babies. Tate tells Nora that while he had promised her a child, he must retract, since that child is Violet’s brother. So to recap; Constance still wants a baby, Hayden wants a baby, and Chad wants both babies.

Chad and Patrick are still tussling, with Chadeventually learning Patrick had planned to leave him before Tate killed them. Oops! It’s a shame that there are still such problems in the afterlife. Maybe it’s because these people are still telling lies. Have they not seen Albert Brooks’Defending Your Life?! (Please tell me the writers convulse in giggle fits as they wrote this and that they’re not taking it dead seriously. Pun intended.)

There were two contestants for line of the night. The first one is delivered by Violet, worried that when her parents find out she accidentally offed herself, “they’ll literally go crazy.” Um, your mom’s in a loony bin and your dad sees dead people. How much more literal does their abating sanity need to get? But this week’s top line of dialogue belongs to the team of Constance and Chad. Constance, ever the bleeding heart, says “Man should not lie with man – it is an abomination.” Chad’s response: “So is that hairdo. But I figure that’s your business.” Meow!

As the episode heads into headier territory, the SPOILER ALERTS!, for those who missed either this week or last week’s episodes. I’m still not clear on the rules of corporeal versus non-corporeal form in Ryan Murphy’s universe. If Violet is dead, how can Ben still talk to her? And if he can put her in his car on the way to Viv’s hospital, how can she also be in the house? At one point does he not see her?

When Viv goes into premature labor, Constance drags the unwilling expecting mother into Murder House, where Ben catches up to her as Dr. Charles Montgomery and his nurses from the 1920s operate. As these worlds collide, Ben finally processes how the house itself has terrorized – and begun to claim – his family, and McDermott remains completely committed to making this scene work. So, too, is Britton (who hasn’t always had me so convinced this season), as Viv wails and writhes through two deliveries. There’s also a nice AHS callback in this scene, as director Alfonso Gomez-Rejon works in cello music to underscore this sequence; back when she was alive, Vivian played the cello.

You read that right, kids: Viv is a goner. After passing one kid – likely the one sired by Ben – off to Nora (claiming it was still-born), Tate’s alpha child “literally” rips Vivien apart, and she bleeds to death while Constance smuggles the baby away from Ben. Again, McDermott is wonderful as he begs Vivien not to leave him, penitent for all of his mistakes (and, let’s be real, his punishment nowhere near fit his crimes). But Vivien crosses over, reunited with Violet, who has just banished Tate from her (after)life.

So…yeah. I don’t know that this turn of events was particularly shocking, but more to the point, was it moving? Are people watching this show legitimately, or just either for the humor or gross-out kicks? Does Viv’s death mean anything to viewers? Does the image of her reunited with her deceased daughter evoke any particular emotion? Are people watching this show legitimately, or just either for the humor or gross-out kicks? AHS hits the notes, but does it really sing?

There was quite a bit more forward movement with the AHS plot lines this week in “Spooky Little Girl” (although curiously, there was no Violet). This was also the much-ballyhooed episode in which Elizabeth Short, aka “the Black Dahlia” is woven into the fictional world of the Harmons, et al. But more about that in a sec.

Firstly, I’m still not clear on the world of human-dead people interaction. When can people see them? When can they physically touch (or do more than merely touch) one another? Because last night, Dead Hayden (Kate Mara) sure got physical with Constance’s rent boy Travis (Michael Graziadei), who learns that Hayden can’t get pregnant. Not because of a lazy ovary or anything, though. ‘Cause she’s dead. The humor in scenes like this is where AHS (this episode was penned by the great Jennifer Salt, a Murphy regular) should be all the time: twisted but still winking, never taking itself too seriously.

And throwing in the Black Dahlia mystery was several tads too pretentious for its own good. Short (guest star Mena Suvari) visits the Murder House circa 1947, where dentist David Curan (other guest Joshua Malina) works out of his home. She wants work done on her teeth, and her form of payment is unconscious sexual favors. She never wakes up from her anesthesia, however, so another lingering ghost with an MD we’ve come to know, Charles Montgomery (Matt Ross), finishes up the mess, doing the ignominious carving on the poor actress wannabe. Hey, it’s as viable a theory as any for her unsolved murder.

It’s just that it didn’t add much to an episode that could have finally provided Ben with more meat on which to chew. We learn that Vivien’s twins have two different daddies, making Constance furious at Tate and leading Ben to suspect Viv has cheated with Security Guard Luke (Morris Chestnut, still wringing what he can out of a totally thankless cardboard role). Luke confirms this isn’t true, and Ben resists temptation with both Elizabeth Short and Moira, who he can then finally see in Frances Conroy form. Dylan McDermott was very good here, justifying every gradient of Ben’s conflicted adult responses throughout the episode, and it made me wish the show had given him more than cheating-but-well-meaning-husband dialogue to keep hurling out.

If there’s hope for Ben, though, there isn’t any for Travis, who Dead Hayden offs in a Single White Female-esque fit of pique. We then see some neighborhood kids discovering his dead body in a field a la the Black Dahlia, in what is a nice but empty touch. Will we see any of Dead Travis? We should, right? He does belong to Murder House now. (Before he dies, however, Constance gets in the line of the night. In dissuading him to leave her for a modeling career, she taunts “What career? This dream you have of appearing half-naked in your skivvies 60 feet high above Tiiiiimes Squaaaayaaaaaah!?” And the way she draws out “Squaaaaaaaaaaaaaare” in her multi-affected drawl is nothing short of camp brilliance.)

Meanwhile, it looks like one of Viv’s babies comes with some very high expectations. Apparently a child conceived in the union of a human and a spirit will “usher in the end of times.” Now how is that gonna play out? My new hope is that the next season of AHS is like The Fly II, in which poor young Devil Baby Harmon gets to navigate his way through LA. And I’m hoping Daphne Zuniga’s able to join!

What about you guys? Are you getting more and more into the season or just counting down until its end?